I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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