apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
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