arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
