I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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