I wanna passion pit in your ass
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
