I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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