walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize