I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
