I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
it hurts more in the daytime
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
