On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I'm passing your future prison.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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