Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
