do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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