phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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