i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
