I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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