every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
