One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
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