Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
if only i could text you this smell
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
