I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
