I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Randomize