can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I wish i was in the wii world.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize