She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
