You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Just invented taco cereal.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
