You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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