I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
you would pick up someone in the library
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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