i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
