I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Randomize
