Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
