The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
