using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
