I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
