Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize