Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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