We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize