peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
