She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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