Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Randomize