My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
