my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
