can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize