Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
