So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Randomize
