He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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