do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
