Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
