When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize