I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
