honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
