First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Randomize
