How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
You're a waste of cheezeits
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
