i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
