her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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