Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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