I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
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