i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
