4 words: hood of his car
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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