I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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