Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
