I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I just found puke in my bra..
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
