Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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