Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
