Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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