I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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