he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
