IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
