is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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