Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize