can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
