Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
