called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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