Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
