I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
