Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
