if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize