Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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