He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I party with great urgency now.
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