dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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