It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
