Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
