Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Operation Purity has been aborted
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Randomize