I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
