When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
How external is "for external use only"?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
