you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Randomize
