I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Its about making memories worth repressing
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
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