I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
