wrigley field is MILF paradise
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize