i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
i am craving dick and cupcakes
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
