im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Randomize