Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Randomize
