Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
