chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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