i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
