Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
