What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
