I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
