i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
