come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
