My first STD was from a foam party
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
