dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
