so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
