just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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