you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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