it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
