I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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