okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
