Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize