I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
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