You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
