Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
ok first of all what the fuck
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
