Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize