i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
