And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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