is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Randomize
