quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
